you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
