I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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