im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
