Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
