Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
