The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
