Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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