My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
