What did we do last night that was yellow?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
