proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
