I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
