We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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