He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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