break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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