Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
