Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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