The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
