a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Drunk is not a location!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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