Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
