She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
