I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
