hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
