I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
