i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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