Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
