bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
