Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
