Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
