ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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