You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
