Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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