Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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