fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
