If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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