Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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