I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
