We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
