yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
