I have demons in me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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