Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
