I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
