I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
