I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
