The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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