I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
