...so i touched it.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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