Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
