Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
