you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
