So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
no, he came in my armpit
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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