if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
