Midget sex pt 2 tonight
home. puking in laundry basket.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
