Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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